The “Cheese” Stands Alone

The “Cheese” Stands Alone

When I was a kid we used to play a game in music class called “The Farmer in the Dell.” For those who don’t know, the game went like this. The teacher would pick a student from the class to come up to the front and we’d all begin to sing. The farmer chose the wife, the wife chose the child, and the child would choose an animal. This process would go on and on until we arrived at the least in the animal kingdom, which was usually the mouse.  

Those chosen would stand at the front of the class in the order in which they were picked. Then, it was time for the inevitable moment when the mouse had the honor (but, for me the horror) of choosing the cheese. This was the part that everyone dreaded (at least at my school) because NO ONE, and I mean no one, wanted to be the cheese. 

So, let’s break from the story for a bit and let me educate you (if you don’t already know) about the social status of this game. The farmer generally was the most popular kid in class even if the teacher was the one to start the game off (and yes, the teacher was guilty of favoritism).  But, systematically each student is picked according to their popularity. Ok, back to the story.

So, now it’s time to choose the cheese. The kid in the position of the mouse scans the room. They know that their selection has to be just right, so they pick the least popular kid or the naive kid who was too desperate for friendship to be insulted by this nomination. Next, all those standing at the front with the farmer would go back to their seats leaving the cheese by his or her self. Finally, in unison everyone would sing, “The cheese stands alone, the cheese stands alone, heigh-ho the derry-o, the cheese stands alone.”

Playing this game was excruciating for me because most of the time I was the cheese. As I got older I began to wonder what it was about that game that bothered me so much. Was it because I wasn’t chosen to be the wife? No. I really wasn’t caught up in the popularity game. Was it because I was nervous in front of a crowd? No, I was quiet, but I wasn’t shy. Or, was it because I was chosen to be cheese? And all of a sudden, I realized that being chosen to be “cheese” was the part of the game that I hated the most. In my mind, they thought that I wasn’t good enough to be a human or even an animal. Instead, they had strategically chosen me to be cheese, a mere by-product of milk. And there you have it; I had summed up my whole self-worth in a dairy product. Unfortunately, as I look over my life I have played the role of the cheese too often. Somehow, somewhere, I allowed the habits of a childhood game to define my self-worth. As a matter of fact, this pattern was so pervasive in my young adult life that I was ok being identified as so and so’s friend, or his wife, and her mother. But, when I learned to attach true value to my being I came to understand my contribution to life. I not only learned to value myself, but I also learned to increase the value of others.

Perhaps many of you reading this feel the same way. Maybe you feel insignificant and you’re tired of bringing up the rear. Whatever the case, you are in charge of your own narrative. YOU! Yes, you are the only one that can identify your self-worth. Once you realize this, no one can ever devalue you, even if you are the “cheese” that stands alone.

Sincerely,